hephaestion2014's blog

"So you straight or gay?"

Well, I tend to get fed up of this question. Not because of the fact that it's a question that forces us to reduce our identity down to one thing, but also because of the assumption about wrestling behind it.

If you answer straight, automatically both parties know that the wrestling is going to be just wrestling. No funny business. But if you answer gay, there's an assumption you might be up for the more erotic style.

Which is a huge assumption and one that isn't really all that correct. I have wrestled numerous guys who identify as gay that haven't been looking for the erotic part, because they are either in a relationship etc, or more importantly because they just enjoy wrestling for the male bonding or serious about wrestling as just a sporting activity.

"So you like Rugby? You straight or gay?"
If the guy answers he is gay, you are not going to assume mid tackle, he's going to pull down your rugby shorts and start to grope you in the middle of the match. Well, not outside of porn. The same with tennis, or soccer or long distance running.

I wish people would ask instead, "you looking for erotic or non erotic wrestling?"

It's more precise, and an accurate way to discover what both guys are really looking for, and not assuming that a shared sexuality means a shared universal goal in wrestling.

But be honest in your answer, if you say you don't want to do erotic, don't go changing your answer halfway through..

And no, it's not about -that- type of ending. Dirty boys ; )

Whenever I go to a group meet or even an one on one match, I am usually travelling by train so am rushing to get there, and then rushing to get back to the station to go home. Occasionally I am envious of the people who can stay longer, and especially with the grapevine meets, who go for a drink and a meal chat after.

A pint of lager, maybe even an IPA, and a chat. That's my perfect ending.

I was talking to another wrestler about his first group meeting, and he said he was pleasantly surprised as everyone was friendly and interesting to talk with. It kind of struck me after, why should he be surprised by this?

Yes, we are all into wrestling, or fighting or some form of it, but we are also people as well. I guess he was expecting a room full of Neanderthals, sloping foreheads and knuckles dragging on the ground as we grunt threats at each other ;)

(Well, it was a meeting "up north", so I can understand that a bit - joking joking ;) )

Okay, I don't really expect that he thought that at all but he was just seeing us as wrestlers not anything else.

Even for all my occasional misanthropy and cynicism at times, I find people interesting especially to hear what other people think.

Now, this next bit makes me sound lonely. Can I just say before this, I'm not really a sad lonely case. I do have friends, but I don't believe we have only a finite amount of friends, we can add to them.

I guess the reason why I use this site more than other sites is there is a possibility in getting not just opponents but making wrestling mates too. People you can chat too, not just about wrestling even other things but people who have wrestled you, and you them so even whilst you are discussing setting the world to rights, there is a sense of a different connection.

And also in my head, I try to work out whether their world view informs their wrestling.

If people were to ask me about my favourite moments in my wrestling so far, there would of course be lots of matches mentioned but there would also be a road trip to Glasgow, lifts and talks to and from Barnet , conversations on train rides and chats over a pint glass too.

I guess my interest and actual doing of wrestling is something I don't share with my friends and family around me. So whilst I belong with them in so many other ways, there is a little part of me kept back, hidden that doesn't belong so it's always good to be around people where this hidden and neglected part does not only belong but is accepted as well.

Wow, this has been a teensy bit rambly but I guess what I am trying to say, wrestle your opponents but if you get the chance take them for a beer and a chat too if you want that camaraderie that comes with wrestling :)

I'd like to think that not only have I met a few past opponents but wrestling mates too.

Well I had my first proper lesson of prowrestling, at a great ring in London, and it has kind of made me rethink my relationship with pro.

Generally I have been aware of pro wrestling but too far from WOS times and too close to the "attitude" era of WWE to ever really be passionate about it. The obvious falsity and lack of actual wrestling moves and skills made me dismiss it as just play acting and the sell.

The lesson has changed my opinion. I found myself as usual playing the jobber/wrestling dummy having the holds applied to me. I would imagine that if I pursue more pro, I'd have to ditch the black trunks and look for either white, or baby blue.

Whereas in submission, I enjoy trying my best to break out of holds and trying to get my opponent into a position to clamp a sub hold and get that sweet sweet tap: however, in pro when i was up on the ropes or in the corner being worked over, I did enjoy myself.

Even if the punches were pulled and the grunts and groans were half acting. Even the moves and holds are like works of art as they have to look good to the imagined audience. And will be great to get on in a subs match. The pace of pro seemed to be slower so you have time with the move to get it on and establish it.

I'm not sure my sell was the best. Not that good at acting, but its something that is more of an option open to me than it had ever been before. May have ti get some more practice and lessons before I step into the ring. :)

With each match and with each wrestler met, I learn something new not only about wrestling, not only about my relationship to wrestling but also about myself too.

When you look at your lovely hotel room with all the mod cons and comfy bed and great shower but are grumpy as too small to wrestle in ;)

I hate getting this question. It's like on a date and you get asked, "what's your favourite music?"

My answer will always be all types, and that sounds like a cop out, a noncommittal even though it is true.

Older, younger, big, thin, tall or small. I'll happily wrestle anyone. Blonde hair, no hair, green hair - come at me bro ;)

But I do have a secret dream opponent. The guy who I'd love to be locked in a matroom with. Just him and me. What does this guy look like?

No idea. It's not the physical that would draw me to this opponent. It's nothing at all about how they look, how they speak or anything like that. It'd be about the animosity.

My dream opponent would be someone who hates me as much as I hate them. Mutual dislike and the ability to get under my skin. A guy who when we square up and slug and fight it out will want to hurt me as much as I deserve, as I do them.

It's a bit like school when you were challenged to a fight in the park at home time. And your heart beat a little faster, maybe the odd nervous butterfly in the stomach. The fight wouldn't be for fun or competition. There'd be no referees or tapouts, just you having to hold your own. Releasing that primal part of yourself that you have to keep down.

Of course, this opponent would just be a dream. I may have the odd bit of banter and trash talk but I am too old to get into this type of fight now. I channel it a bit in my sub matches but it is of course held down, I'm not a psycho.

So that is my dream opponent. No Ethan Axel Andrews, no Skip Vance or Big Daddy but a nemesis.

Wow. Reading this back, it makes me sound a little unhinged. I'm really not.
I'm safe and sane, and as probably anyone who I have wrestled with will tell you, not aggressive enough.

Well, until I find that "dream opponent" ; )