hephaestion2014's blog

"The problem with you - "

Always a great start to any conversation.

" - is that you are the same on the mats as off!"

Well yeah, I don't suddenly become 7ft tall and the build of a pitbull dog the moment my foot hits the blue mat. I don't suddenly become a glamazon called Cherise that smothers him with my gigantic boobs ... but I kinda get what he means.

I've wrestled a couple of people who before the match and during it feel like two different personaes. The guy who was just apologising for accidentally stepping on my foot as we made our way into the matroom is now calling me a "jobber fucking bitch" and bending my limbs into shapes that I didn't think was physically possible and his grin is getting wider as my pain is increasing.

Not everyone has that marked difference. But they relax into aggression and become a more primal version of themselves.

"You don't let go ... you're holding back ... stop holding back ... "

Perhaps. I've gone over this before and not rehashing it. Brought up believing being gay and fighting/aggression was wrong blah blah wanting to be accepted blah blah not scare an opponent blah blah

"I've got a solution ... wear a mask. Give yourself and your opponent permission to see you differently. A separation between the Jon on and off the mats."

I dunno. Sounds like this might be a conversation I'll be recounting to a trickcyclist on a leather couch after spending a month referring only to myself in the third person ... I dunno

I used to do some acting in my past, sucked at it, but I did find a prop was useful - maybe this will help me break that block I have a teensy bit.

Maybe I'll even not say "sorry" as I'm owning my opponent.

Well, a mask will improve the aesthetic experience for my opponent anyway ;)

So mask on or off? Do you think it'll actually help make me a bastard on the mats?

Do I even want to be a bastard?